dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
