K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize