Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
