The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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