Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
