Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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