I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
