Need sex. Gaining weight.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
