Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize