im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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