Porn is love you can see.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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