I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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