So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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