how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
