Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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