we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
