Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
