If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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