You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
