I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
