i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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