Nicole vs. Life
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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