I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you will always have a special place in my vag
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
