He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
