Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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