she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just gift wrapped bread.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
