Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
