yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
