): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
