if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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