I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
