you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize