How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
