i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
