You can't motorboat a personality
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Randomize
