he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
