I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
