i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
