Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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