No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
