I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
