just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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