Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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