She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
