can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think my moral compass just broke
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