I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
