someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just cut my nipple shaving
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
