so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
