Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
