The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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