It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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