I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
