Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize