i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
