hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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