I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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