Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
