Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
