hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
