Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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