Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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