Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
