Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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