Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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