I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
