Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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