So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
