wake up i wanna do it froggy style
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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