It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
