Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
