i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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