I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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