I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
