Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
