Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
