I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
