I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We left the knife in your bed.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize