hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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