i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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