I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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