Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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