Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
