Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Never joke about your clitoris.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
