Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
