Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize