I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
