I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize